I just re-watched the Brene Brown vids I mentioned in this post. They are still phenomenal. I can't sit and write too much because I need to clean my kitchen and go to bed, but I want to get these thoughts down before I crowd them out with the day to day tasks that eat my brain.
1. Bob is currently daring greatly in a few important areas and I am so so proud of him. I won't dissect that too much because they are his projects and not mine, but it is truly amazing and humbling to watch him work hard at his current goals. I love him, and I love being the wife part of our particular husband-wife set.
2. I am a huge coward when it comes to some of the things I believe God created me to be/do. I know they're hardwired into the essence of me, but I don't do them because I'm terrified that if I do, someone might find out and do something awful. You know, like expect me to try? Seriously. Gigantic coward.
3. In the video on vulnerability Brene talks about worthiness and its connection to courage and wholehearted living. Which reminds me that I really need to tell a friend about how her work at a retreat several years ago profoundly changed my life. Why does it remind me? The answer, simply put, is because she did a whole session with the women of my church on our true name/identity in Christ and I had a heart moment of epic proportions. I will have to post that particular piece of my story on its own I think, but I thought if I reminded myself here it might prompt me to stop frittering time and just do it.
4. Over the past few years my tv consumption has gone way way down. I have my addictions of course but they are waning and the list has been dramatically culled until there are genuinely no shows I "have to see" anymore. The biggest consequence I've noticed about this change is not that I am now super productive and organized and rested; those were the results I was hoping for and expecting. But nope. The real changes have been (imho) that I no longer spend so much time measuring myself against the lives of others. I feel less--not to say none I'm still human--discontent in the face of other people's comfort/success/perceived ease of life. I feel less need to conform and buy things and spend time and energy on a bunch of things I don't actually value or care about in order to fit in or elevate myself in others' esteem. My kids aren't in a zillion activities, and instead of getting defensive if people comment I just say "No, they aren't. We don't really do the hectic schedule thing very well." My husband and I don't have much in the way of active hobbies right now and I just don't care. We are tired and worn thin and once the kids are in bed we don't want to spend more energy on much of anything, even if its something we like doing. For this season of tiny children and long hours and early mornings this is what we need and it is truly, finally, joyfully, okay with me. I like our life and the choices we make to keep ourselves and our kids sane and if other people think I'm nuts than so what? I cannot definitively say these are all a direct cause/effect relationship to less tv viewing, but I am fairly certain that avoiding commercials and their loss aversion brain manipulation has helped. Also it has allowed me to see that my ability to relate to and care for others well is not affected by my knowledge of the shows they watch each night. My ability to live more "wholeheartedly" is about my desire to love and connect with the people in my life and I don't need to waste time watching tv to do that. What a concept! Only 34 years to figure it out too. I am surely a prodigy.
5. I think there are several more but this is long and it is late and I must wash dishes and then sleep. The end.
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